


An Uneventful Subject

by magelbar



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Marinette Dupain-Cheng Needs a Hug, Season 3 Spoilers, no ladrien though I couldn't fit any in, pretty much the whole cast is there if you squint, the timeline is kinda what I want it to be too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-13 15:21:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21155252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magelbar/pseuds/magelbar
Summary: As Marinette gets older and her relationships mature, she comes to some conclusions about what happiness means for her.Mostly canon compliant, some slight changes in the timeline. There are some spoilers for the end of season three, please be warned.





	An Uneventful Subject

**Author's Note:**

> I write a lot of fanfiction and never post it. This is my first fanfic I've ever written that isn't funny or meet-cute and it's my first fic for the Miraculous fandom, so I'm a little nervous to post this.
> 
> I've been listening to a lot of Florence + the Machine lately and I really love the song No Choir. After Marinette's *spoiler!!!* breakdown at the end of s3, I realized I really want her to have that kind of happiness that is just two people sitting doing nothing. I really recommend giving that song a listen to get a feel for the mood I wanted to create here. I just want these kids to be happy :(
> 
> Also: Marinette's self-talk gets a bit self-deprecating at times because she's young and carries the world on her shoulders, so please be aware if that is something you are sensitive to.

Marinette often dreamed about what it would be like if he ever noticed her the way she noticed him.

He was that unattainable level of perfection; she knew it was unlikely he would love her, and so she was able to dream of it any way she liked.

She conjured up images of all the romantic scenes from movies and TV shows she could think of to imagine the day he finally confessed his love to her. _Adrien would gaze at her, the orange-pink setting sun reflecting in his beautiful emerald eyes, glimmering with tears. The faintest music of a choir would begin, swelling and swelling in perfect harmony. The music would reach its peak as the two kissed passionately, the silhouette of the eiffel tower behind them, a bouquet of red roses in her arms. She would be in her favorite dress, and he would be in a button-up shirt. He would tell her that he had loved her at first sight. Then it would begin to rain, and while they laughed at their sodden appearance, Marinette would pull out the umbrella, that precious artifact which first brought them together. As the embers of the setting sun waned to darkness and with the sound of the rain pattering about them, they would walk under the umbrella together through the streets of Paris, the streetlights casting an orange glow on the raindrops in the blue darkness. They would feel like the only two people in the world._

It would be sudden and perfect and quirky enough to be memorable and the ultimate culmination of all ideas of all romance anywhere. Marinette would often sigh and think that that was the ultimate happiness: for that perfect and unattainable boy to love her and fulfill all of her childhood fantasies about love.

The first thing which deconstructed this theory was her friendship with that boy.

Years of being “_just classmates_” or _“just a [tentative] friend”_ or “_my best friend’s girlfriend’s best friend_” or “_my best friend’s boyfriend’s best friend_” gave way to a much more natural relationship. They no longer explained their relationship in the context of some social sphere or person, they were simply friends because they were friends.

Marinette realized that she’d been wrong about the unattainable boy.

He was not perfect, as she had always thought. Through her friendship with him, she had been shocked by his impatience at times. His social mannerisms were practiced, and he was scared of being known on any deep level; he was polite and dismissive, not for any calculated reason but because that was all he had ever known. He was deeply, deeply insecure for a plethora of reasons.

He was human.

Marinette saw the impact of her friendship on him, and began to think that perhaps happiness with Adrien was something more platonic than she originally thought. He was human, and he didn’t love her, and she would be happy (finally, happy) when she finally learned how to stop yearning for him. Perhaps happiness would be a deep friendship, wherein she could understand his personhood more and have her romance from a different quarter.

_Happiness will come when someone loves me and I’m friends with Adrien. And we’ll have get-togethers and movie nights with Alya and Nino and we can all rent a giant apartment and live together. We’ll all be best friends for life, and I’ll find someone to love me._

Marinette found someone who loved her; in fact, two someones.

She went on a few dates with Luka. She showed up late to most of them, getting caught up in akuma attacks or sleeping too late. He was never mad at her, he laughed gently and forgave her every time. She wasn’t happy. She wanted to give the person she loved everything, all parts of herself. She couldn’t tell Luka why she was always late, or why she disappeared so frequently, or why she was always exhausted. She knew he’d never pressure her to tell and she knew she’d always feel awful. She ended things before they got too far, and he forgave her for that too._ If I didn’t have these secrets, I could be happy with Luka._

  
She, as Ladybug, couldn’t acknowledge Chat Noir’s love, either. Secret identities had to remain a secret, and somehow making her partner her second, or even third, choice felt wrong in a way she couldn’t quite put her finger on. She was his first love and she knew this, and it scared her. For the safety of all of Paris, he shouldn’t know Marinette was Ladybug. Just as Luka could never understand who Marinette was when she wasn’t Marinette, Chat Noir should never know who Ladybug was when she wasn’t Ladybug.

Another change came.

Chat Noir pulled away from Ladybug, but began to show up some nights on Marinette’s balcony. The third time he visited, he cried.

_“I’m falling out of love with her, I think. And it’s such a scary thing. I’ve been pushed away so much…”_

And she held him then, as memories of her dear friend swirled through her head, because she understood what it felt like to abandon a futile love. And Marinette tried so hard to forget that she was the one who broke his heart. And she tried to hate herself less.

_If I could just tell Chat Noir my secret, maybe we could be happy. He’d understand me, he’s got his flaws and I know them and he knows mine. If it were at all possible, I would be so happy with him._

She couldn’t resist his company. The late weeknights when she absolutely should have been sleeping or studying were filled with video games and movie watching and, on a few occasions, deep conversations which were kept vague enough to protect his identity.

By day, she had Adrien, her friend who was beautiful and human and flawed and who broke her heart. By night, she had Chat Noir, whose heart she had broken but she continued to lie to, whose laughter made her heart ache. One night, she frantically ushered Adrien out of her house with vague excuses after they studied together in hopes that a stray cat would arrive soon.

Chat Noir and Luka and Adrien weren’t the only ones she was lying to. She felt a deep aching sadness when Alya pointed out that she had cancelled most of their plans in a particular month, or when her mother asked her why an important task for the bakery had never been completed, or when she promised her father that _yes, papa, I’ll be safe if an akuma attacks. I won’t go near them. I’ll see you later, I love you._

Marinette was deeply, deeply unhappy. She spent hours with Master Fu every weekend, learning all that she could. She wouldn’t admit it, but it was a relief to be honest with another human for once.

The lies had built walls around her, as her friends and family relied on her less and less. While she felt guilt, another feeling entirely consumed her.

Loneliness.

_Can I ever be happy if I’m Ladybug? Will anyone care about me in a few years when all I’ve done is push them away?_

_I’ll be happy when Hawkmoth is defeated and I can stop fearing that others will know me fully._

There were precious moments which dispelled the loneliness: a trip to the library with Alya as they discussed everything but their homework in hushed voices and suppressed giggles. Afternoons at photo shoots with her dear friend Adrien, surrounded by people with similar passions to her own and knowing that he was happier when she was around. Evenings with Chat Noir as they watched video compilations and stuffed pastries in their mouths to muffle their laughter so that her parents wouldn’t know she had a visitor who entered through her skylight three nights a week.

But the aftermath of those moments of happiness were a deeper dislike for herself. She struggled to cope with lying to the people she loved most, while fully understanding that her lies were justified to save all of Paris.

_I’ll be happy when I find peace with who I am. I’ll be happy when I’m able to forgive myself for the lies and when I stop fearing the loneliness. I’ll be happy when I love myself._

Master Fu left on a train, promising never to forget her despite having already forgotten. He was the only human who had known her as she was, who had understood the weight which balanced precariously on her shoulders every single day.

He had left behind so many responsibilities and a promise that she found herself drawn to.

_One day I can forget everything entirely. One day I’ll be able to start from scratch and everyone I meet will know me in my entirety and I’ll forget my guilt and loneliness and I’ll love myself and I’ll be happy._

Chat Noir stopped flirting with Ladybug altogether, and their partnership was so much stronger.

Adrien helped her move into her new apartment and shared her contact information with everyone he knew in the fashion industry.

Alya, Rose, Juleka, Alyx, and Mylène helped her decorate on weekends and reviewed her designs.

When her classes were finished, she would chat with Tikki while working on her commissioned pieces, the only way she could earn money with a schedule as flexible as she needed it to be.

Chat Noir entered her apartment through the window now, not through a skylight. And when she beat him mercilessly at video games or when a video was too funny, they didn’t muffle their shouts and laughter anymore.

Even in her rare moments of rest, though, the miracle box in her bedroom reminded her of her responsibilities. She couldn’t be still, even without obligations. She had to keep going and going and going. She had to savor those relationships which meant so much to her, she had to pursue her dreams, she had to protect Paris.

She laughed when she remembered her old conceptions about happiness.

_I don’t need romance, I’d just be happy to rest._

  
Years of fighting and terror led her down to a chamber beneath her friend’s house. One woman was dead and another dying, the two women who had raised Adrien. When the fight reached a turning point, Hawkmoth yielded in silence. Chat Noir never said a word the entire fight. The butterfly and peacock were returned to the guardian, finally.

She couldn’t rejoice. She mourned for her friend who had lost his parents and the woman who was like family to him. She mourned for the friend who lived in that cold mansion with no company but his body guard, now protecting him from the ire of all of Paris for the actions of his father.

And she mourned for the instability this development brought.

She had always thought that when Hawkmoth was gone, she would be free to stop lying. She found she didn’t know how to tell that truth, and worried about revealing her identity when the miracle box was still tucked under her bed.

And she mourned for her partner, who disappeared from the lives of Ladybug and Marinette altogether.

She was hurt and confused by Gabriel Agreste’s betrayal of his son, the choices they had to make to let Adrien’s mother pass, the gray limbo she was in with no mentor to guide her as to her next steps, and the disappearance of the one person she may have been able to talk to.

Ladybug was not needed for the time being, and Marinette finally had her rest. She still wasn’t happy.

_I’ll be happy when I understand what happened and what I should do._

After a month, Chat Noir arrived one night at Marinette’s apartment. He cried again, harder than he had when he stopped loving her.

He didn’t tell her why but he was _there_ with _her_ and that’s all that mattered then.

Adrien began to spend more time with Marinette and Nino and Alya as well. They were shocked to see him cry, his mask of propriety dropping for brief moments. They supported him and he became more and more stable, eventually returning to his classes and even attending some of his father’s trials.

Chat Noir was visiting Marinette regularly once more, his voice a bit hollow but his heart on the mend. She never asked about his disappearance.

Ladybug went for a run one night and found him on a rooftop.

_“When will you need my miraculous back? You’re the guardian and H-Hawkmoth is gone.”_

She sat beside him and let her head rest on his shoulder.

_“No, Chaton, that ring belongs to you. You’re my partner until the end.”_

_“So we’ll just continue like this then?”_

_“For now.”_

* * *

A year passed.

Marinette was well rested, no longer having to go out all hours of the day and night to fight supervillains. Paris was safe, she was able to work an internship, her lies had decreased immensely.

She also began to understand.

She understood the deep stirring within her when she saw Adrien finally regain himself. She understood the feeling in her stomach when Chat Noir’s glowing eyes met her own when they woke up sprawled across her couch at 2:00 am, their movie long forgotten as sleep overcame them.

It was love, and it happened without romance and it was deeper than any love she had felt before.

And she finally, finally, began to understand why Chat Noir had disappeared for weeks and didn’t speak during the fight against Hawkmoth and why the two boys both made her soul ache in a way that was so indescribable to her.

But she wasn’t happy. Yet.

* * *

Chat Noir and Ladybug took patrols as they had in the past, occasionally stopping petty crimes and little more.

It began pouring rain on a Thursday night, and Chat Noir ducked into a corner store and came out with a black umbrella. He smiled and held it out to her and she was suddenly overwhelmed with a memory from her (their) past.

_“I need to know who you are.”_

Her words surprised him but he smiled softly and said something about her being the guardian and how he was honored she trusted him. She wondered briefly how and where they should reveal their civilian forms to each other.

_On the Eiffel Tower? The roof of Notre Dame? Should I wait until sunset tomorrow? He should know where I keep the miracle box. Should I blindfold him then take him to my apartment to delay the surprise?_

She looked at his face again, and pictured the boy under the mask. She remembered her fantasies of Adrien Agreste, the unattainable boy, giving her roses and kissing her as the sun set behind them and she wore her favorite dress and a choir sang in sweet harmony.

She was tired of fantasies, and tired of that small percentage of uncertainty she had left as to who the sweet boy in front of her was. She was tired of feeling lonely and of making him feel lonely.

_“Follow me.”_

She jumped through the window of her apartment (she always left it unlocked, she was on the third story so only a superhero could get in), and he followed her with the grace and ease which followed from his having jumped through that particular window countless times before.

She didn’t even give a count down, or sit down on the sofa where they had curled up so often. She stood on her kitchen tiles and detransformed without a word.

He smiled and did the same.

There were no lights on in the apartment, since she had left them off before but they knew.

_“I knew it would be you.”_ He was whispering.

She smiled at him and then he pulled her into his chest, his own weight resting lightly against her kitchen cabinets.

They didn’t kiss. The sun had set hours before and the only flowers in the vicinity were those in the dried bouquet Marinette had carried at Alya and Nino’s wedding. She was wearing the lounge clothes she had changed into after her internship and he was wearing an old tshirt and jeans. Rain continued to fall outside of her window and she realized vaguely that they had left the umbrella outside the store. There was no swell of music, just the sound of the rain.

She still had to lie to her friends and still felt the loneliness in those moments when she ached to be understood by Alya and her parents and everyone else who was dear to her. But she could be honest with him. He knew all parts of her, Marinette and Ladybug. The miracle box was still under her bed, a lurking reminder of her responsibility and the fact that one day she would forget it all. But that made the present moment so much sweeter. And there was still uncertain times ahead and they would have to work through their flaws and grow together and it would be difficult and it wouldn’t be at all like she imagined when she was fourteen.

But she was in his arms and she knew that he loved her and everything was still.

And she realized she was deeply, deeply happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Feel free to comment here or message me on tumblr, username is Magelbar; I'd love to hear what you think.
> 
> <3


End file.
